When it has been determined that it is in the child’s best interest to choose a permanent placement resource other than the foster home, you must begin immediately to prepare the child and your family for the transition. The child may feel betrayed or want to know why you can’t adopt them. This is an important question and should be answered with as much honesty and clarity as you can provide. This helps to eliminate any uncertainties the child might have (i.e., “Am I being moved because I wet the bed or kicked the cat last month?”) 

The child needs the foster parent’s “permission” to move on to another family. A firm statement that you are not going to adopt and a clear, empathic statement as to why, is the first step in helping the child to move on. Next you must give the child permission to go with positive and encouraging statements regarding the potential placement. Any feelings of grief or anxiety you may experience regarding the impending separation are perfectly normal, but should not be a barrier to the child’s placement.

Things you can do to support the child’s move to a permanent placement include the following:

• Come to grips with the fact that the child is moving to a permanent home and that this is in the best interest of the child—which is what you desire. ƒ 
• Have the Case Manager share as much information with you as possible about the prospective family. ƒ 
• Provide a life book for the child to carry along. Look in the previous section that deals with how to develop a life book for a child. ƒ 
• Write a letter to the prospective parents that details day-to-day information about the child – including routines, habits, favorite foods, favorite toys, school performance, what you have observed as strengths and needs (keeping in mind that these may change when the child achieves stability), etc. ƒ 
• Allow the child to see positive situations of interaction between the prospective parents and yourself, if possible. ƒ 
• Make your help available to the prospective parents. Don’t force this. Prospective parents may need to feel a greater sense of security or finality as the child’s “new parents” before sharing the parental role with you. ƒ 
• Talk with other foster parents or the child’s Case Manager if you are experiencing any extremely uncomfortable feelings about the prospective parents or your impending separation from the child. ƒ 
• Neatly prepare and pack the child’s belongings, sending along favorite books, toys and other personal items. ƒ 
• Provide a formal or an informal activity in recognition of the child’s departure from your family circle. Invite significant people whom the child has come to know and care about.

Now it is time to let go -- to let the child move on -- and make room in your heart and home for the scores of children who are yet to be nurtured and cared for by you. The time and energy, and the love and nurture you’ve given a child who leaves your home will never be lost. You have given this child an opportunity to experience a sense of well being in a healthy family environment. The time spent with your family has helped to form bits and pieces of the child’s social and emotional development that will have a life long impact. As foster parent, you have provided a place of comfort and safety during a very traumatic time in the child’s life. In the deepest part of this child’s being, you will never be forgotten.

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