After a child is placed in foster care, the question is not whether he or she will react to placement, but how and when the child will react. Here are some general comments on normal reactions.

All children in foster care will have some angry and sad feelings due to past experiences, or low self-esteem and will be in the process of grieving at being separated from their families. These feelings may come out in behaviors directed at you simply because you are there. Don’t take misbehavior personally. It is important to remember that any child placed in any foster home is:

• dealing with feelings about having been a victim of abuse or neglect;
• working through the separation from family or other foster family;
• coping with the separation from friends, relatives, neighbors, and, sometimes, a neighborhood community;
• adjusting to a new foster family;
• having concerns about going to a new school; and
• worrying about making new friends.

Putting yourself in the child’s shoes can help you understand when a little extra attention and support might be just what is needed to help the child adjust. How would you react to being separated from all of your natural supports— home, job, family and friends—overnight? Your feelings of sadness, nervousness about your new living arrangement, uncertainty about new roommates, stress related to moving your belongings, and apprehension about a new job are much the same as what a foster child feels moving into a new foster family.

Many children have a relatively mild reaction to their new placement. They may be shy and withdrawn, or slow to warm-up to your kindness and help. Or, they may react by being overly friendly and compliant. There may be occasional verbal outbursts in response to frustration, and they may resist going to school or taking part in activities. But, this child will typically respond to your consistent parenting skills, caring attitude, support and understanding. Other children, especially children who have experienced previous foster care placements, are more likely to show their reaction to being placed in foster care with behaviors that will test your patience and parenting abilities. Based on past experiences, these children may enter your home with an expectation that this placement may not work either and that they may fail. They may also anticipate that sooner or later you will reject and get rid of them. When you respond to their behavior with kindness and understanding, they may test you by pushing limits and creating situations which are intended to make you act in a way which they expect, based on their past experiences.

Typical Patterns of Behavior at Placement

Behaviors at placement can follow two typical patterns. For instance, the child may start off with problematic behavior and, generally, after a fairly short period of time, the caregivers will see both the frequency and intensity of the behavior starting to decline. 

As a second pattern, the child is withdrawn at fi rst, and then begins to act out after a few days, so his or her behavior actually gets worse. Younger children may have emotional outbursts, run around like a hurricane, or be withdrawn or crying in a corner. The older child may be more subtle or more angry and may be focused on intentionally trying to destroy something or aggravate someone.

Not understanding why they are separated from their family, experiencing a feeling of loss or loss of control in their lives, or just being afraid and reacting angrily can create either of these patterns or other problematic behavior at placement. Many of these children will eventually respond to your patient and consistent parenting and adjust to being placed with your family. It just might take a little longer.